I just googled “hot mess mom” and about 84,200 results popped up. Houston, we have a problem. I don’t want to be a hot mess mom, but I also don’t want to aspire to be a perfect mom.
I want to be me – an aspiring writer-teacher-encourager, wife to my sweetheart, and mom to a super fun little guy. Someone who is a lifelong learner and enjoys her life (most of the time). You feel me?
I totally think this is possible, too – to pursue a joy-filled lifestyle for yourself and those with whom you share your home.
You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.
In this post, we’ll talk about what is a “hot mess mom,” where I’m coming from, and dig into some positive proactive actionable strategies for pursuing peace and joy.
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Let’s dive in!
We can all go through seasons where mom-ing it can be rough. Learning how to be a parent on limited sleep, responding to toddler tantrums, navigating teenager emotions, and so forth.
Sometimes life is just plain hard. It’s okay to own that.
Heck, make a list of what’s so dang hard. Sometimes naming it can help you claim it!
I don’t think, though, that we were intended to live a perpetually frazzled and overwhelmed life.
You were designed for so much more than that.
P.S. You can do hard things, friend. You’re not intended to go this life alone!
Before discussing strategies, here’s my background about mom-ing.
I’ve been parenting one child for almost two years, so I’m obviously an expert. (I kid. Pun accidental but satisfying…)
I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be a mom, and I especially didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom. Having our son prematurely changed my perspective, so now I’m staying-at-home with Little Man. (By the way, this kid is such a delight!)
Incorporating these ideas into our life required the buy-in of my family, namely the Husband (also incredibly delightful!). Fortunately, he was all for creating whitespace in our lives.
If you’re a single mom, working parent, or have more kids, I think these ideas can be relevant to you.
Seriously, what it is about the “hot mess mom” image that makes you cringe?
What would (or does) it look like for you to feel like a “hot mess mom”? What about it makes you feel frazzled, overwhelmed and out of control?
Write it down. Say it out loud. Do whatever helps you identify what would make you feel like less-than.
My hope is that the strategies below may help you create a little mental, emotional and physical whitespace so you don’t perpetually feel like a “hot mess mom.”
During the first year or so of adjusting to life with a baby, I googled the heck out of daily rhythms for babies.
I felt like a hot mess mom – overwhelmed with how to take care of this baby and myself.
We both needed some loose, yet predictable structure for our days.
In fact, when I learned that routines improve my child’s brain and can help him become more socially advanced, I was even more eager to establish some family routines.
It helped me to identify what needed to be priorities in our day-to-day activities and then create the space for that to happen.
For instance, time blocking helped me develop a simple focus for different parts of my day.
Shifting to a theme day mindset also helped with housework, laundry-ish (little kids are messy!), administrative work, cooking, planning, etc.
(Weekly planning really helped me figure out my personal best flow for time blocking and theme days!)
Below are a couple examples of our current timeblock flow and theme days. This has changed over time as my son has grown and our capacity has changed.
What works for me may not work for you. Regardless, I encourage you to sketch out what are some sustainable rhythms that could give life to your family.
| Blocks | Normal Day |
|---|---|
| MORNING DAILIES | Personal Priorities (hair, makeup, get dressed, pray, Scripture, journal, etc.) Breakfast with son Get child ready for day |
| PLAY + ADMIN | Outdoor time/Music Class/Play inside Snack Play House Task (cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.) |
| INDEPENDENT PLAY | MommaStrong Personal priority catch-up (if he woke up early!) / email/social media… |
| LUNCH | Lunch Play |
| NAP | Naptime Cup fillers & non-kid friendly tasks |
| AFTERNOON | Snack Play/Color Get active! |
| INDEPENDENT PLAY | Shower Couples Bible discussion Personal time/Standing discussion |
| SUPPER | Meal prep for next day(s) Supper |
| EVENING | Kid bathtime Family Play Healthy Movement Kid bedtime |
| Day | Theme priorities for each day |
|---|---|
| Monday | Clean bedrooms + bathrooms |
| Tuesday | Clean hallway + living room + home office |
| Wednesday | Clean kitchen + dining room Make bulk food with Little Man |
| Thursday | Laundry Cleaning catch-up |
| Friday | Laundry My weekly planning |
| Saturday | Family weekly planning Meal planning |
| Sunday | Budget check + action-taking (if we weren’t able to do that Saturday) |
This is primarily geared toward the parents of younger kids. You’ve baby-proofed your house. Now, let’s talk about creating “yes” spaces.
Instead of feeling like a hot mess mom in my living space, I feel at rest.
It’s been so peace-giving to create more “yes” spaces in my home whenever possible.
Let’s be real, it’s amazing to go to the bathroom and not worry about your child being able to easily hurt himself or his environment.
I’m not the expert on this topic, so here’s some handy resources to get you going:
First off, Rachel Norman from A Mother Far From Home is one of my parenting heroes. In addition to SO MANY fantastic resources, she wrote a phenomenal article about Why Kids Need Independent Play and How to Start.
(Seriously, check out her article. It’s so helpful!)
Incorporating independent play time into our daily rhythm has been a game-changer.
Little Man gets time to develop his creativity, independence, problem-solving,and imagination. He gets to learn how to enjoy time by himself (not just sleeping) – what a gift!
Parent time during independent play has been a great opportunity to…
I’ve been leaning into Montessori philosophies and approaches.
One of my favorite principles is of teaching children “practical life” skills. It’s all about providing children with the opportunity to develop healthy independence and learn how to contribute to their community.
Woohoo!
By involving your child in household tasks, they are…
I’ve enjoyed incorporating Little Man into household tasks whenever possible. His curiosity, even as infant, made these activities more fun, too!
Below are a few activities we’ve enjoyed doing together, even if it means he’s observing or haphazardly doing it. (That’s okay, too!)
A few tools that have made doing this even more friendly include:
Again, I’m learning as I go. Here’s some resources to give you ideas about incorporating your child into daily tasks:
First, I gotta let you know – sleep was a huge challenge in house for the first several months.
Little Man would only sleep if he was being held. This also meant that naptimes meant I was sitting with him, trying to stay as still as possible so he wouldn’t wake.
Oh the things I would do differently…
Anyway, once he learned how to sleep on his own in his bed (hallelujah!!), I had some new time for myself.
At first, I tried to do the house hustle of chores, phone calls, etc. But… I started to realize that I was feeling way more hacked off when Little Man woke up.
Why? I wasn’t actually prioritizing things that re-energized me – cup-fillers.
Rather than focusing on tasks I “ought to do,” I shifted to focusing on pursuing activities that energized me and helped me be my best.
I’ve learned that I’m way more excited to be reunited with Little Man after pursuing cupfillers than cleaning a bathroom. (Surprise!)
Think about what fills your cup and try to incorproate it into your open space times. Here’s some ideas to get you started:
Finally, one of the best things I’m learning how to not be a hot mess mom, is to be present.
A few other principles I’m leaning into from the Montessori philosophy is observation and following the child.
In many ways, this is all about being present and just observing your child. Rather than immediately jumping in to correct your child or help them, you quietly watch them learn. It’s a fantastic way to give your child space in their play and tune into what they’re actually drawn to.
To be clear, following the child doesn’t mean you just let your child hurt themselves, others or the environment. It does mean you notice what kind of activities they’re drawn to and create the environment to faciliate that.
For instance, Little Man has loved finding round objects and throwing them at the ground. He gets a thrill from watching them bounce, roll and spin. So, we consciously provide safe objects for him to toss and play with.
As another example, Little Man really enjoys practicing his opening, closing, in and out skills, So, I’ve been providing him with objects to put into a variety of containers to practice opening, closing, putting in and out skills.
This has helped me reduce my overthinking a smidgeon, “Am I giving him enough learning opportunities?!” and be more present for his play. It’s also way more fun, too!
I hope you found encouragement from these practical strategies to help you feel less like a hot mess mom. As we’ve discussed, you can…
In this post, we’ll talk about what is a “hot mess mom,” where I’m coming from, and some strategies for pursuing peace and joy.
Like I shared, I’m still pretty new at this parenting gig.
You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.
It’s your turn. What strategies do you use to rock out at mom life? I know you have SO MUCH wisdom from your own experience. Let’s talk in the comments!
P.S. Want some crazy simple steps to start living intentionally? Grab the Embrace Your Potential Playbook. It’ll help you zoom in on your God-gifted personality and give you practical tips to be more intentional, passionate, and purposeful as God’s beloved so you can become the best version of yourself.
Cortney is a Christian life coach and recovering over-achiever who is passionate about helping Christian women embrace who God created them to be so they can confidently step into any season of life with passion, purpose, and peace. She’s also an ENFJ, MBTI® coach, M. Ed in College Student Development, Pilates and Yoga teacher, wife, mama, and entrepreneur. In her pre-kid life, she coordinated programs for, coached, funded, and provided leadership training for more than 60+ student organizations and 100s of university students for 7+ years. (Helping people highlight their inner awesomeness and reach their goals is her jam!)
More importantly, she’s God’s beloved.
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