Why filling your cup is so important (and how to actually do it!)
Are you running on empty (or almost empty)? Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, drained? You’re not alone, and you can begin to fill your cup starting now.
Earlier this year, my church focused on mental wellness (cough, #relevant amIright?). Here’s a little truth bomb you might need, too:
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is to take a nap.
Mark Moore, Christ’s Church of the Valley (from my paraphrased memory)
Say what?! The most spiritual thing you can do is to take a nap?
Totally. Sometimes what you need most to fill your cup is to close your eyes.
Yet, perhaps you’re like me and a lousy napper.
(Seriously, even when I got 5 hours of sleep with a preemie at home, I just. couldn’t. nap. even when I had the coverage. #I’mnotbitter…)
But whether you’re an excellent napper or a lousy napper, we can still lean into seeking rest so we can better fill up our cups.
You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.
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Let’s dive in!
- Ask this 10-second question to identify your needs (i.e. what you need to fill your cup)
- You've got three options…
- Go to the Living Water each moment to fill up your cup
- It's okay to be human
- We have an ever-flowing source of water to run to
- Posts related to filling up your cup
- Wrapping up how to actually fill your cup
Ask this 10-second question to identify your needs (i.e. what you need to fill your cup)
Think about where you’re at now, at this moment, in this season.
Maybe you’re in a superstar zone – you’re rocking out, taking names, and doing all the things like a boss.
Or maybe you’re on the other extreme – totally tapped out and so exhausted from the many things on your plate, mind, and heart.
Perhaps you’re in the messy in-between – dominating in some areas of your life and not so much in others.
Regardless of where you’re at, asking yourself this simple 10-second question can help you make shifts (however huge or tiny) toward taking better care of yourself.
“What would fill my cup up the most today? Now?”
10-second question to start identifying how to fill your cup
And now you might be thinking…
“Great, another silly question I won’t remember or do.”
“C’mon! What I need is a babysitter, a vacation, and a massage – things I’m NOT going to get right now!”
“Give me a break. Scrolling away now…”
Wait!
Before you totally give up on this idea, just take a hot minute to ask yourself this question and note what are the first thing(s) that come to mind.
Often what comes to mind may not be uber expensive or seemingly impossible. Maybe it’s:
- Needing a long talk with a loved one
- Getting up for some healthy happy movement (seriously, after you read this post, get up for 5 minutes). Walking in circles loosens up your muscles!
- Retreating into a delightful story
- To get rehydrated with a cup of water.
- A good stretch – reach your arms up high and arch from side to side
- Quiet. Stillness. To not be “on” and bombarded with all the noises from others around you, music, appliances, the Internet, whatever.
- To brain dump your thoughts. What’s nagging you? Taking a few minutes to just dump it on a piece of paper, Word doc, Evernote (my personal favorite), or your favorite medium can be so therapeutic.
- Perhaps, as Mark suggested, you just need to take a nap.
- Or… fill in the blank.
Heck – if multiple things come to mind, jot them down! Put it in your planner, journal, Evernote, Trello, and make a voice memo with Alexa, what-have-you.
(Note: Ideally, recording what comes to mind doesn’t become yet another thing to do. Go with the easiest option for you now. You don’t need more decision fatigue.)
It’s a powerful, simple question that can help you meet that soul-need you have. Often, that need is tied to what our physical bodies need – a break, a change, a shift.
You’ve got three options…
1. Justify how you “couldn’t possibly” take the time to fill your cup
Because, obviously, you are Super Human and can overcome exhaustion, overwhelm, hunger, thirst, etc. by sheer will.
Look, I’m totally guilty of thinking that way (even if I don’t acknowledge it). Heck – that’s a reason I’m writing this post – like you, I struggle hard with this!
How far has that mentality gotten you so far?
When you don’t pause for a genuine rest, do you feel like the best version of yourself? Are you kinder to others? Yourself?
Has your patience grown because of your self-sacrificial approach (i.e. neglecting your basic needs)?
If it has, let me know. (Seriously, I want to know – how’d you do it?)
If, perhaps, you’re more like me, this option hasn’t typically worked out well.
More often than not, my body forces to me shut down and slow down. Blinding migraines, illness, disagreements with others… you name it. Somehow I get smacked in the face with how unwell I am. Just super. (insert sarcasm)
Have you also been smacked in the face (or other part of your body) with how your body, heart, soul, and mind can keep going on this track of not resting? Read Ever Been Smacked in the Face With a Painful Memory?
If so, then we’ve got two other, far-better, options to go with.
2. Just do the first thing that comes to mind to fill your cup
Does that “just” give you hives? If so, I’m truly sorry, but it’s also true. Can you invest 1-5 minutes of your time (more or less) to do that soul-body care?
Can you take a nap in 5 minutes? Probably not.
But… can you take 5 minutes to sit down and close your eyes? Or lie down?
(During my pregnancy with Little Man, my job duties had shifted so that I was responsible for my job and work from two colleagues who had left our team. Pregnancy tiredness + full plate + my ever-present migraines were a draining combination. Once a day or so, I’d shut my office door and just lie down on my yoga mat for a few minutes. It refreshed me to get up and to work again. #soworthit This might help you, too!)
Heck – if it helps, set a timer to help you focus and be present for that body care you need. (Research shows that limiting your time can help you focus more!)
3. Decide when, where, and what you’ll do to fill your cup
Perhaps you can’t do what you need to do right at the moment. Your child is climbing on the countertop, your pot is boiling over on the stovetop, someone won’t stop ringing your doorbell, and your mom is calling you. Or you’re in the midst of a big meeting or teaching a class. Typically, you can’t just announce, “I’m done here” and walk out the door.
Recording your needs doesn’t mean you have to immediately start doing it. However, making note of it may help you start making some tangible steps toward filling your cup.
So, what does that mean when you’re overtapped and need to refill your cup? Decide when, where, and how you can do it. Take some positive proactive action.
Don’t overthink it, my friend. It can be as simple as…
- Doing what you need to do first (like grab your monkey child, push the pot off the stovetop, and answer the door. Once those things are done, you go outside with your kid for a 5-minute pause.
- Declaring to yourself “When this meeting is over, I’m going to walk outside and stretch.”
- Considering those around you – do they need a break, too? “If I’m feeling overwhelmed, my class may, too. Let’s take a minute to stretch and get a drink of water.”
- … and so forth.
Or perhaps it means that in a couple hours, you’ll prioritize listening to a fantastic audiobook, taking a bath, or massaging your body with lotion. Simply knowing you have that to look forward to can sometimes make a big difference.
It doesn’t have to take hours. Just minutes may be what you need to refresh yourself.
Go to the Living Water each moment to fill up your cup
… and you know what?
Filling your cup totally matters. Taking the time to rest. To pause. To move. Is so very important.
And… it’s also important to remember that ultimately, your cup won’t be filled up if you’re doing it on your own. If you’re depending on yourself to fill that need.
I (finally) finished reading a book that dropped several truth bombs about Jesus, including how He’s the ultimate source for filling our cups.
This thought-provoking book is Confessions of a
(My sweet friend Lindsey gifted it to me years ago and I finally finished reading it. Boy, I wish I’d jumped in full steam back then! Belated thanks, Linds!) In Confessions, Maltby discusses what the Living Water means for us good Christian girls (and guys). In John 4, the infamous story of the woman at the well, Jesus shares that He is the living water with the woman. Basically, this could be translated as “running water” – ever-flowing, ever-available and inexhaustible. This woman lugged her water jar to the well daily to get enough water for the day knowing this was HUGE. Just imagine how exciting it must have been to hear that you might not need to lug your water jar every day to be refreshed. What if there was an ever-flowing source of water in front of you? Would that change your perspective? Let’s be real, as someone who lives with indoor plumbing, I just don’t fully appreciate what a big deal this must have seemed to this woman. Personally, I’ve often visualized Living Water as a cup of water. Like the tiny nibble of communion crackers and sip of juice, we do in corporate church worship. It’s enough to be symbolic, but not really enough for lasting nourishment. But… when you think about what Jesus is as “running, inexhaustible water” – isn’t that mindblowing? He’s not offering a dinky, once-a-week hit of drops. He’s offering a well of endless water. Doesn’t it just transform your own understanding of filling up your cup? As Maltby puts it, Living water is the original renewable resource – it can’t be used up. As long as you’re willing to drag your dirty self and your dirty laundry to the Source, the cleansing power of living water will be available for your relationships… (Really, isn’t the story more like “The Woman At the Well Meets the True Well” – talk about a tongue twister!) He offers water that satisfies our thirst, nourishes our souls, and gives us what we need to keep moving forward. And… it’s also water that we gotta keep coming back to. Otherwise, we’re just not going to thrive. (Oh the humanity! My pride wants to be one and done and on my own!) That’s the power of living water for your life. It offers possibility when you’ve exhausted your own, when you’ve given everything you have to give, when you’re used up and out of gas. As Jesus describes Himself, But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” What does this mean for us? Dear friend, I encourage you to prioritize taking that sliver of time you need to fill your cup. You are not less than by acknowledging that you’re human and need to fill your cup. Think about it. Are you pouring water (i.e. your time, talents, energy, and resources) into things, causes, and people without a healthy understanding of your own needs? This seems so overdone and over-written, but perhaps that’s because it matters. If you’re not able to sleep at night because you have too much on your plate – it’s time to make a shift. If you’re not eating nourishing food because you’re too busy to remember – it’s time to make a shift. If you’re totally wiped out at the end of the day because you didn’t get a chance to rest all day – it’s time to make a shift. Sometimes your circumstances aren’t really changeable. That newborn baby isn’t going to feed herself! You have very clear job responsibilities – that’s what you signed up for. You can’t change the personalities of the people you’re around. And so forth. But… can something be lightened? What can give so that you have a little more space to fill your cup? Can you reduce your list of must-dos to the bare essentials for a time? Look, I’m not saying that you ought to become totally self-centric. Not at all. (After all, that isn’t the Jesus way!) Does that mean you need to be 100% awesome all the time? Heck no! I am saying that it can be so hard to bring our best selves to our lives and those around us when we’re drained and not getting the rest we so desperately need. It’s okay to be human – by the way, God designed you that way deliberately! Anytime we’re running dry, we can run to Him. He’s always there. Always ready. Always willing. He will never begrudge us needing more of Him. He wants us to come near – to dwell in His presence. To find nourishment from His Living Water. As Maltby puts it, Anyone who has tried to swim against a current knows there’s power in the flow of water. That’s true of living water, too. When you swim downstream – with the flow – everything seems easier. You still have to swim, to do the work, but you have that little extra boost that takes you farther. How exciting, right?! Let’s do a quick recap. When you’re feeling tired/overwhelmed/stressed, ask yourself this 10-second question: “What would fill my cup up the most today? Right now?” Then, you can decide between the three big options: (Hint: the last two options will serve you more!) Maybe it means you take a nap. (Or don’t because naps aren’t your jam!) Or call a loved one. Or sit in your bathroom with your eyes closed and just breathe. Take some positive proactive action to move forward and be a better, more healthy version of yourself. Whatever you decide to do, remember that it’s okay to be human and that you’ve got the true source of Living Water to run to. At any time. You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved. What are YOU going to do to fill your cup? Jot it down in the comments. Let’s encourage each other! P.S. Want some crazy simple steps to start living intentionally? Grab the Embrace Your Potential Playbook. It’ll help you zoom in on your God-gifted personality and give you practical tips to be more intentional, passionate, and purposeful as God’s beloved so you can become the best version of yourself. Cortney is a Christian life coach and recovering over-achiever who is passionate about helping Christian women embrace who God created them to be so they can confidently step into any season of life with passion, purpose, and peace. She’s also an ENFJ, MBTI® coach, M. Ed in College Student Development, Pilates and Yoga teacher, wife, mama, and entrepreneur. In her pre-kid life, she coordinated programs for, coached, funded, and provided leadership training for more than 60+ student organizations and 100s of university students for 7+ years. (Helping people highlight their inner awesomeness and reach their goals is her jam!) More importantly, she’s God’s beloved.
It’s okay to be human
We have an ever-flowing source of water to run to
Posts related to filling up your cup
Wrapping up how to actually fill your cup
Thank you, Cortney. Something we all need
Red, I’m glad to hear it! Sometimes I need a refresher on how it’s so good and healthy to fill up my cup, too!
Such good stuff, Cortney Kay! You’re making me want to read Maltby’s book again too 😉
Yay! It was such a good book that really made me rethink what filling my cup looked like. Thanks again for giving it to me! I just wish it hadn’t taken me so darn long to read it! 🙂