Give Courage to Others – Be an Encourager

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I got my first lesson in how to encourage a soul in second grade. My school counselor shared that it takes ten compliments or affirmations to recover from one hurtful statement.

Of course, everyone doesn’t thrive on words of affirmation (Hollah to my words of affirmation people!). Also, the ratio of compliments to criticisms may vary, but I firmly believe in actively building each other up.

Perhaps this matters to me because I struggle SO MUCH with handling certain kinds of criticism, but the struggle is real (more about that another day!).

You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.

You too? Let’s dive in.

What you say matters

“Words have weight. Something once said cannot be unsaid. Meaning is like a stone dropped into a pool; the ripples will spread and you cannot know what bank they wash against.”

The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory

The words we speak and write have weight. Meaning.

Sometimes those words live with the hearer or reader for years. (cue the memory of a seven year old above).

It’s humbling and exciting that what we speak may empower someone to be brave.

It’s also absolutely terrifying and daunting that our words may have long-term negative effects.

The tongue can speak words that bring life or death. those who love to talk must be ready to accept what it brings.

Proverbs 18:21 ERV

Disclaimer: We are not responsible for others’ emotions and reactions. However, we are fully responsible for our intentions and our words. Yeesh.

Slumber party moments

When I was in junior high and high school, my ideal birthday party included a slumber party with my closest friends, our trampoline, popcorn cake, small squares of paper, posters and markers.

We’d gather in the den with our supplies. If we had eight girls over, then each girl would get 16 small pieces of paper.

Each of us would write down the following about each girl:

1. An admirable external quality (example: sparkling eyes, sweet laugh, cute toes, etc.)
2. An admirable internal quality (example: great listener, patient, kind, etc.)

When writing stopped, each of us would give our notes to the respective girls. We could then decorate our poster boards with our stack of encouragement.

By the end of the day, each girl would have a board full of notes about their awesomeness.

Being human can be hard

Looking back, I can’t help but wonder – did my friends think they got trapped into a self-esteem workshop? I mean, c’mon – where’s the goofy games and long talks about boys?!

(That happened, too…)

Each of us were battling our own struggles, even if we didn’t voice them. I hoped that taking these 15 minutes of cheesiness might encourage them for when those times got hard.

Because, honestly – being a teenager can be so hard. Really, being a human can be hard!

So, did those notes encourage my friends through hard times?

I have no idea. (Sorry for the bummer time!)

I do know, that, sometimes a little positive input from others can go a long way to building up our hearts.

More teenage girl moments

Years later, as an Upward Bound counselor, we did the same activity with the girls. #addictedtoencouragement

Afterward, a few of the girls told my co-counselors and I that they had never heard such beautiful things about themselves.

These strong, beautiful, crazy-fun girls weren’t getting filled up on encouragement on the regular.

It broke my heart – and made me think more seriously about the value of genuine encouragement.

Encouraging each other is part of our calling!

So much of Scripture urges believers to encourage each other. Here’s just a couple to ponder..

Help With Blind Spots

Should we only recognize each other’s strengths and never acknowledge our weaknesses? I don’t think so. We all have growing to do and, at times, need help from others to become aware of gaps.

My college speech class comes to mind about our different selves in the Johari Window model:

1. Open Space: Known to You – Known to Others
2. Blind Spot: Unknown to Yourself – Known to Others
3. Hidden Area: Known to Yourself – Unknown to Others
4. Unknown Area: Unknown to Yourself – Unknown to Others

See the excellent illustration below from toolshero below.

We’re probably more apt to seek help or input with our open space (what we already know about ourselves) but are pretty clueless when it comes to our blind spots (things that others see but we don’t).

If you’re ever going to grow in a blind spot area, you need help to become aware of it.

We’ll discuss the different selves (and a personality perspective on that!) another time. In the meantime, I’m focusing on the positive aspects of highlighting someone’s blind spot.

What words have encouraged or discouraged you?

Think about your own life.

Have you ever been surprised that someone else was blown away by something you did?

You know – that thing that seems so painfully obvious and easy for you to do. I mean, everyone can do this, right?

Not so, my friend.

Here’s a few things that you may ROCK at that other people don’t:

• Cooking delectable meals from a modge podge of random ingredients
• Understanding and navigating compass directions (You are my personal hero!)
• Assembling furniture, hardware and other such things
• Organizing
• Cleaning
• Public speaking
• Navigating bureaucracy
• Reading a room
• Counseling and advising others
• Raising animals
• Raising children
• Retaining crazy-massive amounts of detailed information
• … and so forth

Perhaps for you it’s even easier to think things you’re not so hot at.

You may think of casually spoken comments that discouraged you from ever trying – or to continue trying.

Maybe you decided that you could never do the thing because someone else told you that you couldn’t. Maybe it’s a dream unfulfilled.

Or maybe you decided to use that as ammunition to do the thing anyway.

One resource to help you start incorporating these tips in your life

My story

Personally, as a child, I was told that no one in my family would ever be successful in athletic activities. The intentions weren’t malicious, but the message was clear – I would be a poor athlete.

As a teenager, I pursued my own Pilates and Yoga routines from a Denise Austin VHS and health magazines. I felt so AWESOME but didn’t realize this was another component of being athletic.

Years later, when I started grad school, I gifted myself a Yoga and Pilates teaching certification. It was time to officially close the door on that lingering message.

My certification opened doors to friendships that became family, amazing opportunities, and even supported me through two years of job-searching.

Heck, YOU might be at this blog because of it!

If I hadn’t decided to close the door on the discouraging message, those experiences wouldn’t have happened.

That breaks my heart. And makes me so proud to have pursued something I cared about – regardless of what I was told.

Recapping how YOU can be an encourager

So, it’s your turn. I encourage you to speak out to others and reflect for yourself.

• Be a noticer. Notice what other people rock at. Tell them.

Who knows? Perhaps they’ll learn something about themselves they were oblivious to. Or you might remind them of what a gift they are to others.

• While you’re at it, be kind to yourself.

Notice what you’re offering today and celebrate it. You don’t need to throw yourself a confetti party of self-congratulations or become self-centered but you can be thankful to be you. You have a very unique combination of skills and interests that NO ONE else has quite like you.

• And… I’m curious: how has someone encouraged YOUR soul? Did it motivate you to be more bold and brave? Let me know in the comments.

You’ve got this. I’m cheering for you!

You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.

P.S. Want some crazy simple steps to start living intentionally? Grab the Embrace Your Potential Playbook. It’ll help you zoom in on your God-gifted personality and give you practical tips to be more intentional, passionate, and purposeful as God’s beloved so you can become the best version of yourself.

cort.k.loui

Cortney is a Christian life coach and recovering over-achiever who is passionate about helping Christian women embrace who God created them to be so they can confidently step into any season of life with passion, purpose, and peace. She’s also an ENFJ, MBTI® coach, M. Ed in College Student Development, Pilates and Yoga teacher, wife, mama, and entrepreneur. In her pre-kid life, she coordinated programs for, coached, funded, and provided leadership training for more than 60+ student organizations and 100s of university students for 7+ years. (Helping people highlight their inner awesomeness and reach their goals is her jam!)

More importantly, she’s God’s beloved.