What Have You Accepted as Normal – that you shouldn’t?
Recently I listened to the Unfiltered Motherhood podcast episode Debunking 8 Myths of the Pelvic Floor. During the podcast, they talked about the many things that women think are “normal” about their bodies, especially after giving birth. It made me wonder:
“What am I accepting as normal that’s actually unhealthy and/or unhelpful?”
A big myth was the idea that peeing when you laugh isn’t normal. You don’t have to live with incontinence for the rest of your life. You can do something about it. (Girlfriend, if this is your reality – do something about it!)
Peeing when I laugh isn’t one of my current issues. (Thank you, Jesus!)
I’ve got plenty of issues, though, that I tend to accept as normal. I’m sure that you might be able to relate, too. A few that immediately come to mind include:
- Frequent migraines
- Recurring body pains
- Pop-up emotional baggage
- Limiting beliefs
- Unhealthy relationship dynamics
- … and more.
You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved – including in your thought life.
Before we dive more into what is normal and healthy, let’s take a quick definition check.
Definition of Normal
nor·mal: conforming with or constituting an accepted standard, model, or pattern; esp., corresponding to the median or average of a large group in type, appearance, achievement, function, development, etc.; natural; usual; standard; regular
YourDictionary.com
Definition of Healthy
healthy: 1. having good health; well; sound; 2. showing or resulting from good health; 3. healthful; 4. vigorous, prosperous, etc.
YourDictionary.com
Is Being “Normal” Like Everyone Else the Goal?
Why does it matter to remember what it means to be normal and healthy? It helps to know what your healthy baseline is.
I am not saying that aiming to be “like everyone else” is the goal. Not at all.
Be bold. Brave. Become the person God uniquely designed you to be.
I am encouraging you (and myself) to be aware of what’s a healthy baseline to aim for so you CAN be “vigorous and prosperous.” To be the best version of yourself by taking care of yourself.
As was discussed in the podcast, you don’t have to live a life of peeing when you laugh after giving birth.
You can get help. This doesn’t have to be your reality.
You don’t have to accept this as normal.
How Long Will You Let This Go On?
If you’re human, I’m sure that you have things that bother you about your life. Some you can’t control. Some you can influence. Many of which you’ve accepted as normal.
If you want change to happen, you have to ask yourself:
“How long am I going to let this suck the joy from life? To prevent me from living life to the fullest?”
Honestly, what is going to push you over the edge to do something about it? Are you waiting for someone to “give you permission” to make significant changes?
Something I Accepted as Normal (that I shouldn’t have)
It wasn’t until I was in my first job post-grad school that I realized I’d been having migraines since I was a teenager. It took a decade and some serious pain to finally have the knowledge and words to describe what I’d been experiencing.
Y’all, it took me ten years. That is flat-out ridiculous.
Once I finally had the words to describe what I was experiencing, I sought help. I tracked my migraines, consulted doctors and neurologists, tried low dose medications and experimented with a diet shift.
After a time, I stopped seeking expert help. I was tired and defeated. Few things seemed to help.
I accepted that migraines were going to be my reality – my normal.
I’d gotten used to having harder days multiple times a month. I accepted that at times it would be harder to think, focus and be present.
This podcast, though, reminded me of how I’d accepted my migraines as “normal.” Subconsciously, I was waiting for an imaginary hero to sweep in and give me permission to try to change.
Assuming Feeling Crappy is “Normal”
You feel me? You have this thing, this nagging, irritating, soul-sucking thing, in your life, and think, “Well, I guess frequently feeling like crap is how it’s going to be.”
When you’re struggling pain or problems, you tend to have go-to defense responses. Some of these may be healthy. Some may not.
For instance, I have a running list of factors that contributed to migraine pop-up: bright lights and harsh sunshine, loud sounds, jumping, dehydration, lack of sleep, cycle changes, disagreements, etc.
As a migraineur, I’ve learned to be proactive about reducing the likelihood of a migraine popping up. I wear hats and sunglasses outside. I don’t jump around. (House of Pain would be so disappointed…) And so forth.
This information has helped me feel a bit more empowered with prevent migraines.
But they still happen. They don’t eliminate the problem.
So, what’s your thing?
Perhaps you also struggle with recurring physical pain. You want relief but are too tired to seek healing. So you reconfigure your life around this pain.
Perhaps it’s a relationship that leaves you feeling beaten down. You sob on your couch. Re-engage with the person. Don’t address the issue. Repeat.
Perhaps you feel lost. You can’t seem to find your purpose. You don’t think God has your best interests in mind. So you bounce around from opportunity to opportunity, looking for a cup to be filled that keeps feeling empty.
And the list goes on…
These tactics may help you cope with your reality, but are they solving the root of the problem?
Probably not.
Friends, you were meant for so much more than feeling like this. Living in this unhealthy reality.
You Make the Change
Here’s where we both need some tough love. This isn’t normal. This isn’t healthy. This isn’t serving us.
Can you take proactive steps to shift this dynamic? To create a healthier normal?
For me, I’ve had to ask myself: Can I make a sustainable lifestyle change to reduce migraines all together? Am I doing things to trigger them? If so, I can change that!
With this in mind, I’ve started taking more incremental steps to experiment with reducing my migraines.
- Actually talking about this with God. Honestly, why is it easier to talk about the big-bad things than the nagging, ongoing pains??
- Sleeping on a more supportive, adjustable pillow
- Seeking out migraine and headache focused exercises
- Drinking half my bodyweight in ounces of water by pre-measuring it the day before
Will this eliminate migraines? Probably not entirely.
Could it improve my quality of life? I won’t know unless I try.
Your Turn: How Will You Redefine Your “Normal”
Friend, it’s your turn. What do you need to do to redefine your normal?
- Are you talking to God about it? Are you listening for His answer?
- Do you need to seek healing and help?
- Do you need to set good-for-you boundaries in your relationships?
- Should you seek out career counseling? Read about God’s purpose for you in Scripture?
How long are you going to let this continue negatively affecting your life?
How long will you wait for someone else to give you permission to make a change?
It’s not going to happen. No one is going give you permission to change. You have to make the change. Now, go do it.
You can do this. I’m cheering for you!
You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.
P.S. Want some crazy simple steps to start living intentionally? Grab the Embrace Your Potential Playbook. It’ll help you zoom in on your God-gifted personality and give you practical tips to be more intentional, passionate, and purposeful as God’s beloved so you can become the best version of yourself.
Cortney is a Christian life coach and recovering over-achiever who is passionate about helping Christian women embrace who God created them to be so they can confidently step into any season of life with passion, purpose, and peace. She’s also an ENFJ, MBTI® coach, M. Ed in College Student Development, Pilates and Yoga teacher, wife, mama, and entrepreneur. In her pre-kid life, she coordinated programs for, coached, funded, and provided leadership training for more than 60+ student organizations and 100s of university students for 7+ years. (Helping people highlight their inner awesomeness and reach their goals is her jam!)
More importantly, she’s God’s beloved.
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