“That’s not the way to do that” (cue inner mean girl)🎧
Hi beloved,
Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
“That’s not the way to do that”
— about someone else… or even about yourself? 🤫
It happens so quietly sometimes.
We assume there’s a right way to think, plan, respond, or do the thing.
And when someone doesn’t do it that way, judgment sneaks in — not because anything is actually wrong, but because it’s different.
👉 If you’d rather listen to this as a reflective conversation, you can catch this week’s podcast episode on Tribe Beloved: Love Notes 🎧.
Here’s the simple, freeing idea I’ve been sitting with lately:
💡Difference is not a flaw in God’s design.
💡It was part of the design.
Recently, I took my seven-year-old son to an indoor climbing playground.
My instinct was to explore everything — ramps, bridges, the full layout. 👣
His instinct? Find one ramp… and stay there. 🔎
Go up and down. Notice it. Master it.
In the past, that difference could have easily turned into frustration — or even quiet self-judgment.
Why can’t I meet him exactly where he is?
Why is being the mom he needs me to be so… hard sometimes?!
But once I stopped treating our difference as a problem to fix, it became something to understand.
👉He gravitates toward details and familiarity.
👉I gravitate toward big picture and novelty.
Neither is wrong.
They’re just different.
And once I saw that, the shame lifted. The tension softened.
We found a rhythm that honored both of us — imperfectly, but honestly.
This doesn’t just show up in parenting, does it?
We see it in marriage, friendships, work rhythms, even in how we connect with God.
- One person wants to talk it through right now; another needs time.
- One thrives on structure; another on flexibility.
- One meets God in stillness; another through movement.
Different doesn’t mean difficult on purpose. 🙅♀️
It usually just means… different. 🤷♀️
Scripture reminds us that sameness was never the goal.
The body has many parts. Creation itself is full of contrast and variety.
Unity does not mean uniformity. 😮💨
A 5-Minute Reflection Prompt
💭 Notice the next time you feel that internal twitch — the thought that says, “That’s not the way to do that.”
Who is it directed toward?
And simply ask:
Is this truly wrong… or just different? What might they be paying attention to that I’m not?
No fixing. No conclusions. Just curiosity.
A Joyful and Do-able Next Step
If you’re married, this is a practice my husband and I return to again and again — not to fix each other, but to see each other more clearly.
If you’d like space to reflect, dream, and better understand how you’re each uniquely wired, I created the Marriage Retreat Toolkit as a simple, pressure-free way to do just that.
It includes gentle prompts and tools to help you notice differences without judging them, design rhythms that honor how both of you thrive, and interpret each other with more grace.
Check out the Marriage Retreat Toolkit
And… no matter your relationship status – thank you for being here.
Live loved and be love,
Cortney Loui
Christian life coach + speaker
Helping Christian women uncover their God-given gifts and wiring—so they can stop second-guessing and start living with joyful confidence.
🗓️ Book Your God-Given Gifts Chat
P.S. If today stirred that familiar thought of “I must be the one doing it wrong,” I want you to know this: you’re not a problem to fix. You’re a person to understand — and God knew exactly what He was doing when He made you. 💛
I’m Cortney, a recovering over-achiever and God’s beloved who loves helping fellow Christian women like you embrace your God-given gifts so you have the confidence to live authentically.
I’m also a full-time mama to two sweet little boys, wife to my best friend, motivational speaker, and part-time Christian life coach. Chai lattes, strong coffee, podcasts, yoga, dance, and fairy tales nourish my soul and add sweetness to life.
Discovering the joy of embracing my God-given gifts and who He created me to be was a game-changer—a journey that brought freedom, unexpected delights, and relief from guilt. Finally, I felt free to be myself and ditch the pressure of being someone I wasn’t.
Incorporating those gifts into my day—from weekly planning to deciding on commitments, nurturing my marriage, and parenting—transformed everything. Now, I can’t imagine life without the perspective of fully embracing who God created me to be. I was missing so much without it!
