Kicking Myself for Choices Made

Watching sitcoms for the sake of “thinking philosophically” isn’t sound reasoning. But… sometimes you may see and hear exactly what you need. This happened to me when I was kicking myself for a decision I’d made.

You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved – even when you make poor choices.

Wisdom from How I Met Your Mother

A few years ago, I discovered How I Met Your Mother. After a nighttime jog, I settled in for a stretching session in our living room and flipped on Lifetime for some company. 

Double Date was on. Ted said just the words I’d needed to hear for weeks. (Hey!  A reference for a future post!) I was hooked.

The series has continued to bring up concepts that have been on my heart and in my life. (No, Barney Stinson isn’t trying to get into my pants and I don’t live above a bar.)

HIMYM is relatable. Ladies and gentlemen, it happened again.*

The last episode(s) in 2012, The Final Page, brought several thoughts to ponder. (This isn’t an episode review, just watch it. It’ll rock your socks off… unless you’re already barefoot.)

This time, I couldn’t help but see these ideas:

Boldness. Stupidity. Learning. Forgiveness.

During a critical moment of part 1, the gang realizes how important it is to let go and let be.

Narrator Ted: Kids, sometimes in life you’ll make a pit for someone in your mind but ultimately the only person in that pit is yourself….  Which means there’s only one person who can let you out of that pit… yourself.

In part 2, Ted urges Robin to go find Barney.

Robin: I can’t keep making an ass** of myself.

Ted: Well, a word in defense of making an ass of yourself – it’s underrated. Eight years ago I made an ass of myself chasing after you, and I made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then. But I have no regrets. Because it led me to something that I wouldn’t trade for the world. It led to you being my friend. So, as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself, I say to you from the heart… get the hell out of this car. 

* Note: The next series of posts will be a catch-up of backlogged thoughts from the past several months. Apologies in advance for timeline confusion. 

**Note: If seeing the word “ass” repeatedly bothers your sensibilities, I advise you to stop reading this post. The word is used to be true to the HIMYM words and to illustrate a point. No vulgar or crass thoughts were intended. 

The Ass in Each of Us

It’s all too easy to relate to Ted’s perspective as an expert in being an ass. I’ve done a lot of that. In fact, I think Ted and I may have a future together for that very reason. (Call me, Ted. We still have a chance, right? You haven’t really met the mother yet. I mean, it’s not like she’s with you in the future or anything…). I’ve made a lot of stupid choices. None have “destroyed my life” (to put it mildly), but… all the same, I should have known and, more often than not, did know better.

Of course, you vow that you’ll never do something as stupid as X again.

And then, being human, you break that vow.Perhaps it’s not exactly the same thing (though, in retrospect, this seems oddly familiar…). Perhaps it doesn’t have exactly the same consequences. But… it’s equally stupid, and you knew it when you did it.

I do believe, though, that the trick is learning how to, well, learn from these mistakes. (Chicken Soup-ey enough for you?)

Learning Lesson #345, Take 2

Several weeks ago I made a choice that was indisputably foolish. During the following days, I berated myself, “Why did you do that? Why did you go down that path when you weren’t ready for it? Why?….”

Yet after reflecting on it and talking it through with trusted friends, I’m okay with it. I’m certainly not thrilled with myself, but it’s just another lesson in “ass-making.” It wasn’t wise, but it’s not the end of the world and no bridges were blown up through the experience. Not too shabby, I think.

It’s remarkable – if this moment had happened a year ago, I’d probably definitely still be kicking myself today. Realizing that you’re not going to make perfect choices is easy (well, sort of). Accepting that reality can be seemingly impossible.

But… with time and experience, you really can get better at not routinely and constantly kicking yourself for choices made, words said, or silences kept.

Eventually you learn how to become an “expert in the field of making an ass of yourself.”

Do you regret those aspects of your past? Oh yes.

Did you learn from it? You better have.

That’s okay. That’s good. 

Embrace the Ass

If Ted wasn’t an ass (multiple times), then his friendship with Robin would never have happened.

If we haven’t made asses of ourselves at least occasionally, then we’d never learn how utterly stupid we can be and what beautiful things can happen as a result of our foolishness.

Therefore, if you hadn’t made decision A, then results B, C, and D may have never happened.

So if results B-D have shaken up your world, isn’t it okay now that you were an ass? You learned who you were. Or who you’re not. You learned what hurts you and others.

Then you start to realize that it’s up to you, and you alone, to let yourself out of that pit. Torturing yourself isn’t going to help you feel any better… not in the long run. (Let’s think this through: you’re still stuck in a hole with no ladder. The outlook isn’t sunny.)

Just… let yourself be human and accept your tendencies to be a total ass.

Now use that ass to climb up out of the pit of your own making. See the sunshine. Breathe in the freedom.

You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.

P.S. Want some crazy simple steps to start living intentionally? Grab the Embrace Your Potential Playbook. It’ll help you zoom in on your God-gifted personality and give you practical tips to be more intentional, passionate, and purposeful as God’s beloved so you can become the best version of yourself.