How to Figure Out What Matters Most to You

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Ever wonder how to figure out what matters most to you? This is the first in a series focused on tactical tools and strategies to determine what matters most to you and live more intentionally. This has improved my quality of life, and I hope it helps you, too!

You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.

A few years ago, our church hosted Sandra Stanley for Mother’s Day. It was a phenomenal discussion about prioritizing what matters most in your life over the good or okay. During the talk, many gems were shared, including:

Breathing room is the space between our current pace and our limits.

Saying ‘no’ to some good things gives you margin to say ‘yes’ to the best things.

Sandra Stanley

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Each woman attending the event also received her own copy of the Breathing Room: A 28 Day Devotional for Women. (Woohoo! A free book!!)

It’s designed as an individual and group study, but I did it with my incredibly patient hubby. It seemed relevant to our life (we didn’t dive into the female-specific content) and he’s my favorite study buddy.

Making Space For What Matters Most

This study launched my husband and I onto a path of living more intentionally, especially in regard to our time, energy and focus. It helped us articulate what mattered most to us and what we wanted more in our lives – breathing room.

This also meant that we needed to start saying “no” to good things to make space for the best things.

Before doing any of that, though, we needed to determine what our top priorities and relationships were. This was our first step to becoming more intentional with our time, energy and focus.

Breathing Room’s Relationship Diagram

For us, the relationship diagram was a particularly helpful tool that pushed us to start actively living more intentionally.

This diagram sparked a much bigger discussion about not only our relationships but also our priorities. After all, we had several important relationships in our lives, but also other commitments and pastimes that we pursued (i.e. church, Netflix, etc.).

We needed a much bigger piece of paper for this discussion! Thus, our first Relationships and Priorities Evaluation sheet was created.

Note: I thought about showing an image of our original sheet but didn’t want it to skew your experience. Perhaps it’ll show up in a future post in this series!

This is when the fun began… and was our first step toward making serious, small changes in our lives.

Grab a pen and paper. Let’s do this!

You can create your own diagram or use my handy Relationships & Priority Worksheet for you to make this even easier and more fun! (Email me if you want to grab the worksheet!)

If you’re creating your own diagram, turn your paper so it’s portrait style (i.e. up and down). Sketch three circles – a large circle that encompasses much of the page, a smaller one within that, and then one in the center.

Be sure to give yourself plenty of writing room in each of the circles!

It’ll look a bit like a simplified dartboard – only 3 circles and no numbers!

Doing This With a Buddy?

If you’re anything like me, sometimes I struggle with thinking about what really does matter to ME and not what I think “should” matter to me. (This is also where knowing your personality type and tendencies comes in handy – future post coming soon!)

It can be all too easy to let the voices of others influence my thoughts and direction.

Consider Priorities for “You,” “Them,” and “Us”

As we went through the Relationship and Priorities Diagram, my husband and I discussed which different things might be a higher priority for one of us and lower for the other. This helped me identify what was “Cortney’s priority” and not just “our” priority.

For instance, I’m happier, healthier and more energized when I have a regular fitness routine. Life is just better. My husband approaches physical fitness differently.

As things like this came up, we noted them accordingly on our worksheet in different colors – one for him, one for me.

Focus on Your Current Season

Your season of life will also affect what is a higher or lower (or not at all!) priority.

For instance, prior to our son’s existence, our priorities didn’t include him (duh). It was relatively easy to prioritize sleep, dates and getaways. Both of us were also working full-time, so that was a big factor.

We’ve also been dreaming of moving somewhere with a cooler climate (i.e. not 110°F summers) and a change of scenery. But – that wasn’t our reality.

The purpose of this activity is to first help you determine what are your current relationships and priorities.

Give yourself grace for the season you’re in now, not the one you wish you were still in or the one you hope to be in. We’ll dive into that eventually. One season at a time, friend!

Possible Relationships and Priorities that Matter Most

Before we get going, here are some possible relationships and priorities that you might consider as you flesh out your worksheet.

• God, Faith, Church
• Significant Other, Spouse, Partner
• Child(ren)
• Family
• Friends
• Work, Career
• Wellness, Self-Care
• Finances
• Professional Development
• Personal Development
• Entertainment
• Vacations, trips
• Home Management, Care
• Pastimes, Hobbies

Be Gentle with Yourself

Before you start writing down anything, please commit to being gentle with yourself. This activity is NOT intended to berate you for all you “should” be doing and focusing on.

If you need to, try taking a mental step back and think about this as your “ideal” relationship and priority sheet for this season of life. What do you want to be your top priorities and relationships?

We’ll discuss in another post how to start evaluating how your’re approaching your relationships and priorities. Focus first on these three questions.

Ask Yourself Three Questions

Who and what matters most to you in this season of life?

Knowing what your most important relationships and priorities are should be a no-brainer, right?

Take a minute to think about it and write it down in the innermost circle.

What are also important relationships and priorities (just not the most important)?

Write those down in the second circle.

You’re halfway there! Woohoo!

What are the good (but not important or most important) relationships and priorities in your life?

Jot that down.

Anything Missing?

Consider what you spend your days doing. Your time is most valuable commodity. What are you spending it on?

Do you make time for TV? Video games? Books? Podcasts? Social media? Reading the news? Following the stock market? Shopping? Crafting?

None of these are listed as “bad” things to pursue. Like other activities, they require a time investment. If you’re putting your time toward it, write it down where you think they ought to go.

Two resources to help you start incorporating these tips in your life

What Matters Most is Right In Front of You!

That’s it! Though this diagram was crazy simple, it really helped us articulate our priorities. I hope it helps you better identify your priorities, too! Here’s the process you’ll want to go through:

• Grab a pen and paper. Let’s do this!
• Doing This With a Buddy?
  • Consider Priorities for “You,” “Them,” and “Us”
  • Focus on Your Current Season
• Possible Relationships and Priorities that Matter Most
• Be Gentle with Yourself
• Ask Yourself Three Questions
  • Who and what matters most to you in this season of life?
  • What are also important relationships and priorities (just not the most important)?
  • Anything Missing?

When my husband and I finished identifying our key relationships and priorities, we realized that we needed to take it a few steps further:

• We needed to evaluate how we were focusing on these relationships and priorities. Were we actually prioritizing them?
• We also needed to identify what it would look like in real, day-to-day life to focus on these relationships and priorities.

You can live intentionally with passion and purpose as God’s beloved.

As you walked through this post and the worksheet, what top relationships and priorities came up for you? What do you want to focus on more? Less? Let me know in the comments!

P.S. Want some crazy simple steps to start living intentionally? Grab the Embrace Your Potential Playbook. It’ll help you zoom in on your God-gifted personality and give you practical tips to be more intentional, passionate, and purposeful as God’s beloved so you can become the best version of yourself.

cort.k.loui

I’m Cortney, a recovering over-achiever and God’s beloved who loves helping fellow Christian women like you embrace your God-given gifts so you have the confidence to live authentically.

I’m also a full-time mama to two sweet little boys, wife to my best friend, motivational speaker, and part-time Christian life coach. Chai lattes, strong coffee, podcasts, yoga, dance, and fairy tales nourish my soul and add sweetness to life.

Discovering the joy of embracing my God-given gifts and who He created me to be was a game-changer—a journey that brought freedom, unexpected delights, and relief from guilt. Finally, I felt free to be myself and ditch the pressure of being someone I wasn’t.

Incorporating those gifts into my day—from weekly planning to deciding on commitments, nurturing my marriage, and parenting—transformed everything. Now, I can’t imagine life without the perspective of fully embracing who God created me to be. I was missing so much without it!